Sunday, August 11, 2013

#BlogElul Know

I have always had a huge love of learning, of finding things out, or exploring all the things that I don't know. I used to ask (and attempt to answer) a lot of questions, but found that most of the time once I found an answer, it would just spur me on to ask more questions.

Here's what I know. When I went to college in 2004, at 17, I knew everything. I was confident about going to college, the chance to create a new version of myself, and I was confident that being pre-med while majoring in psychology was the right choice: I was going to be a pediatrician. Within a year and a half, I knew something else: I had to drop pre-med. I wasn't good at math or science. Within two and a half years, I knew one more thing: all of my electives had randomly ended up fulfilling Judaic Studies requirements, I was going to double major (even if it meant taking on 21-credit semesters and a summer of classes). When I graduated college, I knew something further: I knew nothing.

To be fair, I'm not entirely sure how that happened. I went to college and learned a ton--and then graduated, having passed (in some cases) my classes. But I knew so much less leaving college than when I started. When I got my first job, I expected the community to be so similar to the synagogues and part-time work that I'd had before. I was wrong. It wasn't like that. The expectations were unclear; I was supposed to know what it was that I was supposed to do. And when I failed (in more ways than one), I knew that I didn't know what it was that I really was meant to do.

And so I began to explore opportunities. A master's certificate at Gratz College. An application to rabbinical school. The adoption of a best friend (and a psychotic one). A realization that part-time work wasn't going to cut it and a move back into my parents' home (my mom always says "home is where when you have to go there, they have to take you in."). A family of teenagers. A family of yeshiva students (and mentors and friends). A business school experience full of homework, friends, and leadership moments.

As I began to explore and delve and invest myself into these opportunities, I began to know things about myself--my "truths". And I realized that while I still know less about things than I'd like to--it puts me in a great position--I have a great potential for personal and professional growth. I have the ability to invest in more opportunities for learning (HUC Cert Program, Cohort 3!). I have the ability to teach others. And as I work and remember that I don't know everything, I remember one more thing: I have the ability to find out. And knowing that is worth everything.

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