Wednesday, August 14, 2013

#BlogElul Believe

Normally, I've been trying not to delay writing these posts because I end up leaving them to the next day and then write two posts.

BUT TODAY, I am glad I waited. Why? Because sometimes, life hands you something to write about. Today I lived belief. Okay, now that I've hyped up this blog post, don't get too excited...I'm talking about my evening run.

Recently I started a Couch-to-5K running program, due to some incidents that happened while I was in Israel (read: bruising every muscle in my upper legs) being a wake-up call (read: kick in the ass) that I needed to get back into shape. I used to run with my dad one summer every morning before the sun came up...I wanted to see if I could do it again. Not because I like running...I never liked running. But I liked the time that I spent with my Dad. It was cool knowing that we could spend that quality time together. In fact, when I told him I was starting this program, the goal was for us to be able to run together come Thanksgiving--if it's up to him we'll "run/walk at my own pace" next week.

But today, belief came in a strange way. With every program day (you're meant to run 3 days a week), I've had trouble finishing each running part (the first week you run for a minute, walk for a minute and a half, then this week, you run for a minute and a half, walk for two minutes...). I started the walk/run believing that I would get past the point I got to on Saturday. That was the goal.

As I began to jog, I got nervous. I was getting winded on the first running part. What if I couldn't do it? What was I going to say to myself? To my dad? I panicked--was this a waste of time? And with each running part, I pushed myself to go further, to make it to the next tree, sign, marker...all the time believing I would get further than I had on Saturday, all the while worrying that I wouldn't be able to finish the running section that I was on.

As I realized I was getting to the last running section, I said to myself "It's the LAST ONE!" You can do it!" [I talk to myself (and my dog) while I run. Don't judge. Don't mock. It works.] As I heard the program tell me to go into my walking phase, I cheered out loud (and congratulated Ellie on all of her hard work!). I DID it. And...and...I had passed the point that was my halfway point the last time! AND as I finished the last running point, I looked at my phone to see that I had surpassed my farthest distance (in St. Louis). I continued walking and then cooling down (still walking) and realized...I was going to finish more than 2/10 of a mile better than my furthest distance!

I'm on a "runner's" high right now--but I realized. The belief was stronger than the doubt--both were there, both were part of the runner's struggle, but the belief won out. I did it--and for the first time, I didn't cut corners, and I didn't give up. I believed in myself. And so I won.

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